A Donut Is a Great Deal

Yes, indeed.

A soft, edible circle. A friend with a hole. A donut. These are just a few of the ways one might describe a donut, but they are not the most precise. The most precise way to describe a donut is “a great deal.”

You’re probably wondering: Why are they a great deal? Well, I’ll tell you. They’re a great deal for a number of reasons. For example, they don’t cost a lot of money. How much is one donut? Good question. Pretty much they cost a dollar. If you’re visiting a Dunkin’ Donuts in Brooklyn, New York, a donut is $1.09. If you’re visiting a Dunkin’ Donuts in Scranton, Pennsylvania a donut is $0.99. If you visit the Krispy Kreme in Scranton, Pennsylvania a donut is $1.05. I could keep going all day. If you’re visiting a Krispy Kreme in Hoboken, New Jersey a donut is just kidding, I’m done with this part.

This brings me to my next point. As you can see from the chart, the enjoyment you get from a donut is quite large (or “high”) relative to the cost of that donut. The amount of enjoyment one gets from a donut is “ten” whereas the cost of a donut is down near “one.” I won’t bore you with the charts, but do trust me that when you compare the enjoyment-to-cost ratio of a donut to that of other popular breakfast items (like muffins, or even croissants [!]) the donut comes out on top.

You’re probably wondering: If you’re going to buy a donut at a more fancy place, is that going to be more expensive, and does that affect the “great”ness of the deal? Another good question. Yes. At NYC chain Dough one donut is $2.25. At NYC chain Donut Plant one donut is $3.75. I didn’t think the Dough donut counted as a “great deal” until I saw the price of the Donut Plant donut and now I’ve revised my opinion: something around $2.25 is a great deal for a fancy donut, but donuts that cost over $3 should be saved for special occasions. You’ll see from this chart, however, that the donut enjoyment does go up with the price.

See, now the donut enjoyment goes to “eleven” (not a movie reference).

Another reason why a donut is a great deal is that you can buy a small coffee with it, and a donut and a small coffee is a great breakfast. Yum. I don’t want to go through the price thing again but let’s say a small coffee is, like, $1.50. A nice little breakfast for under $3 that tastes good and keeps you from being too hungry until it gets to lunchtime? Wow, that’s a great deal.

Also, when you buy a dozen donuts the price per donut goes down, which we all know, yes, duh, obviously, but did you know also that when you bring a dozen donuts into your office, everyone is grateful and the overall happiness of your office goes up? Hmm? You fucking genius?

It’s true. Bringing a dozen donuts into your office is, as far as I’ve found, the most cost effective way to make eleven coworkers slightly happier, and to appear as if you are a nice person, even though you are a menace. And isn’t that nice for everyone involved.

In conclusion: a donut is a great deal. Thank you.