Some New Complaints About Women’s Voices

Because there weren’t enough already.

1. Verbal tickling

2. Alienation of inflection

3. Extemporaneous raptor

4. Irregional dialect

5. Mindful tongue thrusting

6. Unreliable aeration

7. Tupperware-speak

8. Sibilate bullying

9. Goblin vowels

10. Spoken wordwarp

11. Paroxysms of reason

12. Exhelium

13. Retonsilance

14. Frenulenemies

15. Brusqueism

16. Jengavitis

17. Janglejaw

Jessie Gaynor has written for McSweeney’s Internet Tendency and The Paris Review Daily, and earns the respect of teenagers everywhere as an editor of SparkNotes.