Life, Screenwritten

When real life is given the script treatment.

INT. A COFFEE SHOP, VERY CUTE BUT ALSO MODERN, LATE AFTERNOON.

THREE FRIENDS sit at an overly large table. They are all crazy basic and probably just came from a barre class that they read about on Well and Good, a lifestyle website that almost exclusively publishes the insides of aging models’ refrigerators. Their hair is messy but also still looks good, because they know how to do that which is insane. Even though they’re all in workout clothes and have definitely been in a workout class, they’re still wearing their daily jewelry, which are all tiny rings and tiny necklaces and tiny bracelets. Working out in rings is easily the hardest and least comfortable way to work out, because when you’re pressing down on your hands like that a ring will dig into your skin and hurt so much, but they all keep their rings on in yoga or barre or whatever class they were in anyway, because it’s also the coolest way to do these classes, because it means you don’t even feel or care about that pain. Being in these classes and still looking beautiful and cool is incredibly hard but also incredibly easy, if you know how to be effortless about it, which these women do. They also have all their taxes done and they know what they’re all having for dinner, it’s this thing they saw on BuzzFeed, it’s like a squash dish but there’s cheese on it, which is fun but also healthy, because of the squash. Also one of them has a birthday coming up and she’s going to Saint Thomas for it, with her boyfriend, who works for a start up. The start up makes a step stool. Just one. They mail it to you. It costs fifty dollars. There’s barely any tech involved in it; it’s just a website that sells you a stool. It is the most successful household ware start-up of 2016.

FRIEND ONE: It’s so crazy that Julie’s getting married in August.

FRIEND TWO: Yeah.

FRIEND THREE: Yeah.

FRIEND TWO: We should get her that bridal boot camp package.

FRIEND ONE: Yeah.

FRIEND THREE: Yeah.

END SCENE.

INT. A PERFECTLY LIT BAR THAT SERVES TWELVE-DOLLAR DRINKS BUT IS FILLED WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE TOTALLY FINE WITH THAT PRICING, AROUND 9 O’CLOCK.

A GUY and a GIRL are on a date. They didn’t meet online, they met at a bar, in person, while they were both there with friends. They didn’t come with friends who knew each other, they just stumbled into one another, as total strangers, and hit it off. Literally, a stumble. She was waiting for her drink at a bar and he stepped on her foot, and she made a big deal about it jokingly, like, “ow! Ha, you have to get my shoes polished now,” and he just went with it right away, like, “don’t worry, I know a guy,” and they laughed about that, because he really does know a guy (he said “no seriously, I really do know a guy), and she loved that, because so few men really take care of their shoes these days, or even have shoes to take care of. So they talked a little and kept bumping into each other for the rest of the night at the bar, and every time they did that she’d be like, my shoes, and he’d be like, my shoe guy, and that was their thing for the night, and then when he was going to leave he was like, I don’t usually do this, but here’s my number, and I’d really like yours, because I think some people are weird about texting first but I’m not, so I’d really like to just get your number and text you first, that’s just how I want to play this. And she loved that, and gave him her number, and now they’re on this date, their first date, and it’s going to so well, and they both look amazing, even though they both came from work.

GUY: Do you want another round?

GIRL: Yes, totally.

END SCENE

EXT. A BRAND NEW APARTMENT BUILDING, IN A REALLY NICE BUT COOL NEIGHBORHOOD, LIKE MAYBE BOREUM HILL, OR EVEN FORT GREENE, LITERALLY 8 A.M.

A DAD is helping his DAUGHTER move into her new apartment. They’ve rented a Uhaul, and hired movers, but he lives close enough — they’re from Westchester — that he thought he could come help, even though it’s a weekday, but he’s retired from being a wealthy banker, so he can do that sort of thing. Everything about the move is completely organized and manageable. The DAUGHTER has labeled every box according to room and triple-wrapped her most valuable items, even the stuff that’s tiny and hard to wrap and would be easier to just throw in her bag and carry with her in the cab of the truck, she literally took the time to wrap that stuff too, just to keep it all together. She has all her coats and dresses and wrinkle-prone shirts hung up in one of those boxes that’s just for moving hanging clothing, directly on their hangers, and her shoes are in shoe boxes too, not just a giant garbage bag, they’re in tiny individual boxes per pair, so they don’t get stuffed. None of her items are in garbage bags, actually. The only time she used garbage bags in the whole move was for actual garbage, and also clothes to donate. She had two whole bags of donated clothing because she took the time to sort out what she wanted to keep and to really think about what she still uses and what she could get rid of, and that’s how much she could rid of, two whole bags, so now she gets to move into her new apartment free from a whole host of clutter and stuff she doesn’t need, including a crock pot, which she just got rid of, even though they cost money, probably like fifty dollars, but she felt like she could get a new one, which probably costs even more money than the first one since technology is always improving, so she just gave that away too. A whole electric piece of cooking technology, and she could just give it away. It’s nuts. This whole day is nuts.

DAD: You’ve done a great job here.

END SCENE.

Lily Puckett is a writer living in New York.