How To Hold A Dinner Party
by Alexandra Molotkow
1. Get some friends
Don’t have any? I’m sorry, that’s hard. I think we’re in a tough transitional phase between planted social networks determined by “life package” (school, work, birthplace) and the “vibe hives” you need to cultivate if you’re a potentially lifelong freelancer with no ability or desire to cement your lifestyle or pin yourself down to a place. Ideally we’ll come to think of friendships the same way we’ll come to think about “hookups,” once we’re much better about “hookups”: meet people; like some of them; love some of them; enjoy fun/intense/edifying but ephemeral interactions and nurture long, commitment-negotiated relationships depending, with the understanding that we’re all blowing in the wind and if we don’t see each other for a couple of years it doesn’t necessarily mean we’re not close anymore.
Anyway, we’ll get there!
2. Make your home presentable
Presentability is in the eye of the beholder. No wait, I mean the opposite: presentability is totally up to you. In my early 20s, my apartment was an extension of my thought process, but I had fewer scruples back then about strangers getting up in me. Now, the idea of inviting an acquaintance into a messy apartment makes my skin crawl, not necessarily because I’m looking to project a “sweet apartment” lifestyle but because it’s just too intimate. What I’m trying to say is, make sure it’s done up how you like it.
3. DON’T — make food unless you want to
Do you like cooking? Are you good at it? Great! Cook for your friends. If you don’t, or you’re not, there’s no reason you can’t still have a successful dinner party. You just have to not cook. Listen: dinner is a finite resource. You only get one a day, and you have to work for it. No matter how much they love you, your friends don’t want to blow their hard-earned dinner on your lifestyle experiment. Everyone, however, loves pizza, and pizza is cheap, relative to cooking. So order pizza. Get a grocery store cake if you like!
4. DO — become a connoisseur of cheap booze
You have to supply the booze, but you don’t, and shouldn’t, have to break the bank for it. In my opinion, knowing what’s drinkable is WAY more adult than knowing what’s good, because wise spending is a hallmark of a maturity, and reckless spending is not. But whatever, reckless spending is fun, and if a hundred-dollar bottle of, what, Barolo? makes you happy — I mean, I’ve spent thousands of dollars on vinyl over the years and 95 percent of the time I just listen to iTunes — you should totally go nuts.
5. Invite your friends, expect most of them to decline, and send reminders to the ones who don’t
It doesn’t mean they don’t love you! We’re all blowing in the wind.
6. Think for about 10 seconds about “total experience”
My view is, the less fuss the better. We’re here to do a thing we need to do anyway in each other’s company. It’s nice to integrate our lives! We’re all blowing in the wind. On the other hand, traditions are nice, too, and many of us don’t observe too many, so a little effort for its own sake is precious, along with a little attention to detail. My point is, there is no default dinner party experience, so what’s yours all about?
7. Eat wherever
Do you have a gorgeous harvest table, perfect for seating all of your best, most committed friends? Wicked! Do ’er up. Do you have, like, a few dozen square feet of floor space and some paper plates and napkins? Cool, let’s just sit! Who cares. The important part is we’re eating and talking and hanging and it feels so good, and we won’t always be in touch, and maybe we’ll fall out altogether, but the dynamic in this room right now will never happen exactly this way again, so don’t stress. Let’s just aim for maximum joy.