On Public Forgiveness

In The Guardian, Jessica Valenti talks to Rawiya Kameir and Claudia Garcia-Rojas about whether public forgiveness is possible for men accused of violence against women. I’m thinking a lot about this section in particular:

Rawiya Kameir: Forgiveness is one of the most fundamentally human acts, so it’s always possible. But I think it’s a misnomer when we’re talking about people in the public eye. When Dr Dre issues an apology that we hear about on the news, it’s not so much an apology as it is a first step toward rehabilitating what’s perceived to be an optics issue. Forgiveness, and whether or not it’s a desirable outcome, shouldn’t be mediated by the public.

Claudia Garcia-Rojas: We ultimately won’t know if the apologies issued are sincere or not. What actions and consequences follow the apology to dignify the person who endured the violence?

Part of the reason that forgiveness is hard to talk about is that there is not one single model of redress. Depending on the survivor, there are different paths to heal — some of which involve forgiving, others which do not. This is why transformative justice as a process is ideal — it focused on healing, for the individual, and for the community.

I find it imperative to listen to the woman who’s been harmed, to hear what she thinks, feels and, most importantly, what she needs. Is forgiving her partner something she desires?

RK: When Chris Brown said he was “truly, truly sorry” to Rihanna and she openly forgave him, the public refused to acknowledge that as a real apology, even though she — the person most directly affected by his actions — did. I think that tells us a lot about how forgiveness works when it intersects with celebrity.

Read the entire conversation here.