Vegetables Are Not A Destination Snack

by Alexandra Molotkow

Dude, no. What are you even talking about, “broccoleaf”? Just eat broccoli. Broccoli tastes fine and it’s only slightly less nutrient dense than kale, which tastes like eating six pack rings.

If you really cared about your health you’d be eating watercress and bok choy, and why don’t you? Let’s be real: greens, with the exception of arugula, are not a “destination snack.” They’re ideally consumed standing up over the sink before you make yourself a grilled cheese, or soaked through with something toxic.

Vegetables that actually taste good, like sweet potato and cauliflower and pumpkin, are not the best, also WAIT WTF pumpkins are a FRUIT? Why are you doing this to us? Can we just not be sticklers and agree sweet = fruit, savory = vegetable, the way literally everyone who isn’t a crazy botanist does?

But this proves my point: all the good vegetables, like pumpkin and avocado and tomato and cucumber, are not actually vegetables. So if you’re going to eat vegetables, and the CDC recommends you do, just cram in the healthiest ones between actual meals.

Image by wanko, via Flickr