Things I Don’t Understand, Ranked

by Alexandra Molotkow

32. Orgies

31. Oysters

30. Primus

29. The difference between the Control, Option, Command, and Function keys

28. Celery

27. Selfie Sticks

26. Arrested Development

25. “Bedskirts” — Haley Mlotek

24. Nightcaps

23. The Schmoney Dance

22. This joke

21. Jean-Luc Godard movies

20. Stella-Ella-Ola

19. Bob Dylan

18. Anal fisting

17. Magnets

16. Andy Kaufman

15. Any kind of video game other than sidescroller

14. The line: “You know the penalty for premature evacuation”

13. Ween

12. The difference between whiskey, scotch, and all the other ones

11. Pugs

10. Bulldogs

9. This

8. Society

7. Germ society

6. Psychobilly

5. Martin Short

4. Why ketchup works

3. Cats

2. Why “Peggy” is short for “Margaret”

1. Why I can’t wear white after Labor Day

Image by d’n’c, via Flickr