“The X-Files” Conspiracy Theory That Will BLOW YOUR MIND

I really loved the Motherboard interview with the science advisor for the popular and entirely accurate documentary series, The X-Files.

Anne Simon is a virologist and professor in the Department of Cell Biology and Molecular Genetics at the University of Maryland, College Park, and she wrote a book about her time as the science adviser for Chris Carter called The Real Science Behind the X-Files. It turns out lots of people thought the science was… not real enough?

I used to get some hate mail about how I was promoting pseudoscience and conspiracies and I just tried to ignore all that because it’s a science fiction show — it’s not supposed to be real — but what the scientists do on the show, that I wanted to make real. They’re trying to come up with explanations for some pretty strange things — that’s what we do as scientists. We see things and we try to come up with explanations for how they work — and that’s what Scully was trying to do.

Yeah, like, I know there’s no science behind a serial killer who remains immortal by crawling through your ducts and bursting in while you’re taking a shower and then kidnapping you and eating your liver but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to double check my ducts before I take a shower for the rest of my life!!

Actually, the only pseudoscientific conspiracy theory I’m interested in propagating is my longtime conviction that Mulder and Scully started fucking in the very first episode of The X-Files. I have fought about this with so many fellow nerds that I’ve basically adopted a “Don’t @ Me” policy in real life about it, like just accept and respect my beliefs, and I’ll do the same with yours. But. Ok. You know in the pilot episode when Scully thinks she’s been bitten by whatever thing they’re in the middle of nowhere investigating? I could look this up but I’m kind of enjoying doing this by memory. ANYWAY, she thinks she’s been bitten, and she knocks on Mulder’s door, and she’s wearing JUST A TRENCH COAT OVER HER BRA AND UNDERWEAR, and she SHOWS HIM JUST HER SHOULDER, and he TOUCHES THE BITE and SMILES and says “IT’S JUST A MOSQUITO BITE”? Like. I’m wet just remembering this. Are you telling me that they DIDN’T immediately have “wow I’m not going to die and I’m so relieved” sex right then and there? And that they weren’t kind of casually fucking every so often, which accounts for Scully’s gentle exasperation in the face of Mulder’s endearing but annoying paranoia? She just constantly has this expression of, like, “Ugh you’re annoying the shit out of me right now but that D was so good last night that I’m just going to shake my head and let it go.” Which is an expression I know well.

Don’t @ me.