Hazy Memories Of Revolver Magazine #1

by Alexandra Molotkow

– Sully Erna of Godsmack: Christina Aguilera’s ass a “cute little one-hander.” (60% sure)

– Six-page feature on Jon Davis of Korn’s new microphone stand, designed by H.R. Giger and known as The Bitch: “She arches her back seductively, tongue flickering from her mouth, but her armor-plated spine and bullet-like nipples present an intimidating contrast to her come-hither stance…’She’s the finest bitch ever!’ [Davis] exults, running his hand admiringly down her aluminum frame.” (verified)

– Tori Amos recommends a Bourdeaux. Caveat: tours “not all roving bacchanals.” (70% sure)

– Special feature on “Great F*#&ing; Music.” (75% sure; possibly issue #2)

– Ron Jeremy on Chuck Berry’s “My Ding-A-Ling”: “Women get excited hearing about a ding-a-ling.” (75% sure)

– Pull quote from A Tribe Called Quest’s “Electric Relaxation.” (90% sure; possibly issue #2)

– From sidebar on rock ’n’ roll men with curly hair: “Your hair would curl too if you were banging Stevie Nicks.” (80% sure; still not sure what this means)

– Photograph of Fred Durst pointing two handguns at the camera; pullquote: “I THINK ALL THE TIME.” (100% sure)