15 Proposals For Getting On With Life

by Alexandra Molotkow

Life is a drag, for new reasons every day. Here are some ways to make it easier.

1. Nude buildings. Like nude beaches but indoors. The buildings can have other functions

2. Convert abandoned alleys into public throwing galleries. Donate objects (leave in shopping cart) for passersby to chuck

3. Collect all human sheddings (toenails, calluses, hair) in four-year intervals, use them to build an effigy of How You Were

4. Human diaries. Assigned anonymous strangers to tell our secrets to, in lieu of pregnable paper and word files

5. Every last Thursday of the month, nothing we do counts

6. Sound-free booths in public spaces

7. Telephones on tables in bars like in Cabaret, as well as park benches. A number you can call to be matched with a rando, Chatroulette for bank lineup

8. Personal Belief journals for elementary school children. Like Creative Writing journals except you’re allowed to really believe it

9. New kind of therapy where you write a musical about your life

10. New line of stamp or currency commemorating famous sex scandals, to show it’s OK and can happen to anyone

11. Secret Santa but with doodles

12. What About Me Boxes for the office, community center, etc. Submit pet grievances or personal details (e.g., chronic nightmares, pee fetish) anonymously, to be posted publicly on cork board

13. We all agree there is no “unified self” and treat each other like new people all the time

14. Trick or treat for adults OR make Halloween bimonthly

15. Custom doll set of all your friends