Types of Comments on Mandy Moore’s “Candy” Video, Ranked

25. Nostalgic conceits (1990s).

24. Nostalgic conceits (General).

23. Weight-related epithets.

22. Sub blog-level cultural commentaries.

21. Expressions of outrage regarding the oversexualization of teen girls.

20. Musings about what Mandy is up to today.

19. Queries about what Mandy is up to today.

18. Expressions of enthusiasm regarding the oversexualization of teen girls.

17. Metacommentaries regarding the oversexualization of teen girls.

16. Jerkoff coffee klatch.

15. Recognitions of Mandy’s Sony Discman.

14. Broad acknowledgements of the passage of time.

13. Callouts directed at Sony Discman nostalgia poseurs.

12. Blindness to the fact that there are entire feature-length films featuring Scarlett Johansson.

11. Considerations of the commercial viability of singles in Mandy’s catalog.

10. Long hard looks at selves.

9. Exegeses on cinematography.

8. Yearnings for the simpler times before 9/11.

7. Intertextual observations featuring Cee-Lo Green.

6. Analyses of Bill Clinton’s economic record.

5. Non-ironic statements of enjoyment 🙂

4. Misunderstandings about what Mandy means culturally.

3. Therapeutic breakthroughs.

2. Star-studded patriotic tirades.

1. A cryptic observation.

Jamie Lauren Keiles is the last enthusiastic person in New York.