Should I Give Father John Misty A Chance?

by Alexandra Molotkow

Con
 — Just look at this fucker

Pro
 — People seem to like him.

Con
 — People fawn over him for just being fine

Pro
 — Yeah but he makes them happy and has some catchy songs. Also, that’s their issue, not his.

Con
 — I dunno, you need to have a ton of character to pull off super plain music and I just don’t think he has it

Pro
 — Oooh everyone look interesting, the character police are here

Con
 — I don’t want to die, but the headline “Father John Misty Discusses His Cover of Arcade Fire’s ‘The Suburbs’” makes me think that maybe dying would be the right thing to do

Pro
 — The Arcade Fire are a good band, get over it.

Con
 — What sort of name is “Father John Misty” for this guy

Pro
 — He was raised evangelical or something, is that “authentic” enough for you, little baby?

Con
 — His posture and tone here remind me of Homer Simpson The Chosen One when Lisa warns him to beware the Ides of March and besides he just seems like a shitty dude

Pro
 — Literally no male rock singer has ever not been a pompous, entitled dickwad and you like lots of them anyway. Also you sound really bitter.

Con
 — He sounds like stuff people did 50 years ago and 40 years ago and 30 years ago and 20 years ago and 10 years ago and

Pro
 — Why does something have to be “innovative” to be good. People like established sounds for a reason and it brings them joy to see them riffed on well.

Con
 — Why don’t they listen to the Byrds instead

Pro
 — Because are you 80.

Con
 — No

Pro
 — You know it’s funny, you go on about how in with the new and let the old die but in spirit you are six centuries old and the Care Line on your Care Graph drops off way before most of the people you know were even born. How does it feel to be irrelevant by nature?

Con
 — Whatever

Con
 — I dunno, I just feel like we don’t need any more rock music and definitely no more rock music by people like Father John Misty

Pro
 — Yeah but is that a reason he shouldn’t make it.

Con
 — No but it’s a reason I don’t have to listen

Pro
 — If you’re not going to listen then maybe you don’t have a right to an opinion.

Con
 — What if I like my opinion better than I would like the music

Pro
 — I hate that we are the same person.