Purse Doomed Due To Not-Nice-Enough Murdering Of Alligators

PETA is finally getting some action out of its month-old video about alligator farm abuse in Texas. They finally got Jane Birkin to renounce the Birkin bag. (Technically, the namesake sock-hating actress turned humanitarian renounced them as too heavy a decade ago.) Why is this meat so murderey? Why can’t this meat be murdered nicely. Just murder this nice alligator in a “humane” manner and everyone can get her dead purse.

Now rich women all over the world will remove themselves from waiting lists at Hermès. Haha, just kidding, no one cares! I’m wearing a leather belt and drinking milk right now. Honestly all the alligators have to do is wait 50 years, the rise in sea level is going to be so good for them.