Visine Is The Most Important Beauty Product I Own Right Now

Ohhh. It is eeeeaaarrrrly. I am tiiiiiired. I know, I know, we’re all tired, but I promise: I’m really tired.

This week I finally gave up on real makeup. I was just sweating it off anyway! And when I went out on Sunday I knew I looked really, really tired, and normally I’d have spent ten minutes trying to cover my dark circles and exposed capillaries, but I just…didn’t care! My face was like, hi, yes, I look tired because I am tired, thank you for your inquiries, next question please.

they’re not “under eye circles,” they’re”effortless reverse smokey eyes” go educate yourself about beauty trends before you talk to me!

— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) June 24, 2015

But, I mean, I’m not so done with vanity. It’s fine to look a little tired, but I don’t want to look like a (still hot) zombie.

When I was in beauty school I used to take a lot of pleasure in the non-makeup makeup items we kept in our kit; I think because they felt like truer knowledge. Most people can learn the right way to apply eyeshadow or lipstick, but when our teachers taught us the difference between name-brand and no-name Q-tips (no-name Q-tips are always, always better), or about the uses of moisture spray (a gross name but an incredible tool), they were passing down hints they had learned personally, or hints their teachers had taught them. It was like a secret. When you went to the drug store for your Q-tips, you had a whole other body of Q-tip knowledge than anyone else buying the same Q-tips.

Visine was definitely one of those tips that made me feel smug and particularly learned in the ~ways of makeup~. It became part of the normal prep routine, particularly for my editorial and film shoots where everyone was expected to show up bright-eyed at some stupid time of day. A few drops of Visine in the eyeballs of my actor or model and I felt like I had earned my day rate: “Look! They’re human again!”

Visine is technically a product that offers relief from certain symptoms: dryness, itchiness. In the process of relieving those symptoms, Visine dissipates blood vessels, giving the appearance of whiter whites and clearer irises in the actual eyeball, which is one of those fatigue giveaways that you just can’t cover up, no matter how good your concealer/highlighter game is. The whites of your eyes signify that you’re alert, you’re awake, your brain is functioning at a normal pace, you can be trusted with heavy machinery or an early morning meeting or whatever it is you need to do. They give the impression that you slept and slept well and are now prepared to TAKE ON THE WORLD.

I know I said Polysporin was the most important beauty product I own right now, and I stand by it, but also: Visine is the most important beauty product I own right now. It’s summer! The days are longer and the heat only becomes marginally tolerable after the sun goes down and only an idiot would go to sleep before taking advantage of a patio or a park and perhaps a drink or several, particularly if they have a teeny tiny bottle of Visine ready to squirt into a barely-open eyeball the next morning. So could you bring some Visine, please? I’ll be in my bed just…resting my eyes.