Personal Karaoke Bests

by Alexandra Molotkow

I went to an arts high school, and majored in music theater. I definitely never had “what it takes.” My teachers would have laughed at the idea (I would have, too), and the only role I ever landed in a school production was Fauchelevent in Les Miserables, aka Guy Who Gets Hit By a Cart.

But I had fun! I hated fun back then, but now I love it. And now I’m a passionate mediocre singer/enthusiastic dancer-who-can-probably-keep-rhythm-but-might-just-be-keeping-a-phantom-rhythm-no-one-else-can-hear.

So I’m just wild about karaoke. I take it pretty seriously-not-seriously, in that I can’t abide people who get up there and just goof off, or sort of try but then fake-laugh to undercut themselves. That is bullshit. You came out. You got up there. Sing the song you chose. The way you do karaoke is the way you do.

Alone at home, chirping away to my iTunes, I think, Oh MAN I cannot WAIT to sing this at karaoke! But at the bar, thumbing that laminate, I sometimes get overwhelmed and forget what my standards are. Which is why it’s very important to keep a list of Personal Karaoke Standards, as well as Karaoke Goals. My advice is to be ambitious, but you should always do a dry run, to be honest, before you reduce Chaka to a terrified, strangled croak.

So, my friends: what are your Personal Karaoke Standards and Goals??

My Standards:
Melanie — Brand New Key
Danzig — Mother
Allman Brothers — Midnight Rider
Sylvia — Pillow Talk
Liza Minnelli — Cabaret (because I was literally born to play Sally Bowles in a community theater production of Cabaret)
Elton John — Literally Everything by Elton John except Levon
Scott Walker — Next (just kidding, they’ll never have this at karaoke but if they did I would KILL)
Live — Dolphins Cry

Goals:
Jackie Wilson — Lonely Teardrops
Electric Light Orchestra — Telephone Line
The Dramatics — Whatcha See Is Whatcha Get
Elton John — Levon
Chaka Khan — Clouds