I Only Eat Candy

by Alexandra Molotkow

The all-time best philosophy of bullshitting (from Tom Wolfe’s The Painted Word):

At first, Andy Warhol, for example, would go out to dinner and wouldn’t know one end of that long lineup of silverware on the table from the other, and so he would sit there, at some five- or six-course dinner at the Burdens’ or wherever, without touching a morsel, not the crème sénégalaise nor the lobster cardinal nor the veal Valdostana nor the salad Grant Street nor the fresh pear halves Harry & David — until finally the lady seated to his left would say, “But, Mr. Warhol, you haven’t touched a thing!” — whereupon Andy would say, “Oh, I only eat candy.”

Also a Nerf Herder song, unfortunately. And unfortunately Nerf Herder are a different band than Nada Surf.

Preparing to reread From A to B and Back Again. Feel bad loving the S.C.U.M. Manifesto as much as I do.