Stop Trying To Make Brontosaurus Happen

For years palaeontologists have been trying to convince the public that Brontosaurus doesn’t, and never, existed but now a new study has been published that returns this name to the ranks of the dinosaurs. So why the sudden turn around?

Yes, WHY INDEED, SCIENTISTS? Look, when I was five, I knew more about dinosaurs than just about anyone in Ms. Whoever’s class, and when we took a school trip to the American Museum of Natural History I knew it was going to be my day. If you don’t know, the lobby features a huge skeleton of a Barosaurus (it says it right there on the website, which I did not have in 1991). Anyway, to lesser minds this looks a lot like a Brontosaurus, so I smartly argued that no, it’s a Barosaurus, and anyway a Brontosaurus isn’t even a thing, it’s #actually an Apatosaurus. And then everyone called me dumb for not knowing what a Brontosaurus was.

For years I have suffered my intellectual superiority over those children, eventually finding contentment in being right when they were clearly wrong, and now scientists have to go and ruin everything I held as true. I hate it. Go choke on an archeopteryx dick, scientists.