A League of Their Own

by The Hairpin

Baseball season is around the corner, so naturally we need to consider a remake of Penny Marshall’s 1992 classic A League of Their Own. Apologies to the many talented actors who didn’t make the team, but remember: there’s no crying in baseball. YOU’RE WELCOME, HOLLWOOD.

Geena Davis and Lori Petty = Rooney Mara and Kate Mara
We’re not above stunt casting here at The Hairpon dot com. We’d love to see the Mara brood (who seem very close IRL) portray fierce rivals on the field.

Tom Hanks = Dave Chappelle
REASONS:
A) Chappelle acted alongside Hanks in You’ve Got Mail, so you just know they still text each other.
2) He could channel his own personal backstory as a former superstar to really give the role of Jimmy Dugan some extra pathos.
iii) I really want to see him throw a baseball glove at a little kid’s head.

Madonna and Rosie O’Donnell = Rihanna and Rebel Wilson
Duh-doye. Plus, you know @badgalriri would crush her cover of “This Used to Be My Playground”.

Megan Cavanagh = Mae Whitman
Her? Yes, her.

Jon Lovitz = Patton Oswalt
Lovitz deserved an Oscar nomination and an arrest warrant for Grand Theft of his scenes. Oswalt is worthy of carrying his curmudgeonly torch.

David Straitharn and Gary Marshall = John Cho and Danny DeVito
Ok, cards on the table: this last bit of casting is shameless pandering to the powers-that-be at this blob.

Casting Couch is a regular column on The Hairpin. Photoshop artistry and casting choices by Daniel Reis as certain Hairpin staffers shouted in his face about Rihanna. Like our choices? Hate them? Are you from Hollywood and want to give us all your jobs? Email [email protected].