Totally Real and Not Made Up Excerpts From Kim Gordon’s Forthcoming Memoir

“[Richard] Edson, [Bob] Bert, [Jim] Sclavunos…we went through a lot of drummers early on before finally settling on Steve Shelley in 1985. Our excuse was we were trying to find the right percussionist to perfect the sound we were aiming for, but really, Thurston kept firing them because they made fun of his hair.”

“I once saw Billy Corgan cry while watching Home Alone 2. And not just like, tearing up a little. He was full on bawling.”

[On Sonic Youth’s 1996 guest stint on the Simpsons] “That wasn’t actually us. That was just a cartoon rendering of us.”

“Most people don’t know this, but Thurston Moore wears platform shoes like, all the time. He’s really only 5’11.”

“I’m not going to lie: the only reason we made NYC Ghosts & Flowers was because we lost a bet with J Mascis.”

“Look, I’m not saying Courtney Love is a crazy bitch. I’m not saying she’s a total fame hungry sociopathic narcissist with two loose screws who would totally murder us all with a pen knife and gleefully drink down our blood if there weren’t laws against it. I’m not NOT saying that, but I’m not saying it either.”

“The main reason we stayed together as long as we did was because we really, really wanted to guest star on Gossip Girl.”

“After all this time, I still find it really hard to see myself as a musician or a style icon. I’m not a rockstar. I’m not a singer. I’m not a fashion designer. I’m not an actor. I’m not a socialite. I’m not a wife. I’m not Lee Ranaldo. I’m not a plumber. I’m not a banana. I’m not a fever dream. I’m not a doodle on a napkin that just says ‘KIM’ underneath. I guess you could say I’m just…a girl in a band. The end.”