Deep Thoughts

I’m going on “vacation” later this week (lol what even is that) so of course last night I had to drag myself to a nearby beauty salon where I paid all of my money so a nice lady could rip all the hair off my body with a healthy layer of skin attached because listen I know we should all be evolved humans and just accept the fact that we have body hair and there is no reason I can’t lie on a beach with a bit of fuzz coming off my deathly pale legs and I really love the look of armpit hair on a woman but like fuck it sometimes I just feel the need to ascribe to conventional ideals of beauty because SOCIETY. Um. Anyway. Where was I.

Oh, right, ok, so: Tuesday night in the salon is not exactly peak grooming times, so when I moved out of those teeny back rooms where they do the humiliating waxing so I could progress to the *~*manicure*~* portion of the evening there was only one other woman, casually evaluating the selection of nail polish colors, and then another woman walked in, and they clearly knew each other but they didn’t really know each other, do you know what I mean? Like they kind of seemed like casual acquaintances? But then they both picked nail polish colors and sat beside each other with their feet in those pedicure baths and ordered WINE on a TUESDAY to accompany their PEDICURES and I was like oh my god, what is happening here, am I eavesdropping on a friend date?!? I had extremely strong friend date vibes. Have you ever done that? Where you either want or need to get to know another person in a friendship capacity, so you go to a bar or a restaurant and are basically courting this person, like, “So…tell me the entire story of your life!” But I couldn’t get over how intense the idea of having a friend date at a nail salon was. Like, you’re trapped. When the conversation lags, we can all sense it. You can’t just be like “oh I’m going to run to the bathroom” and then text your friends or quickly scroll through Instagram until your brain starts generating new safe conversation topics again. Your feet are in those fucking bubbles. And I was trying not to pay attention too closely, because that’s creepy, but the only other option was to watch the television screen which was playing The Internship, and oh my god, have you guys seen that movie? It is so terrible. And then I couldn’t stop thinking about how I have a friend who told me he once wanted to stream a movie so he Google searched “movie” — I know — and the first listing that was an actual movie was The Internship and like I don’t really understand the concept of The Singularity but I think that is as close to understanding it as I will ever get. So my options were limited, is what I’m saying, and the most I could get from the two girls on the friend date was that perhaps they were dating friends, or siblings, or had some sort of significant overlap in their personal lives, and then it was just a matter of waiting for my hands to dry so that I could text people and scroll through Instagram and focus on my own shit for once.

By the time my nails dried they had started playing Jerry Maguire and fuck that’s a weird movie. Just a bizarre premise, if you think about it?!?! Way too convoluted. On an unrelated note I can’t imagine why I could possibly need a vacation or where this headache is coming from but those were my Tuesday night thoughts and look it’s Wednesday now!