7 Things A Man Only Does If He’s Serious About You

1. He just wants to cuddle.
“No, I think that catching up on Parks and Recreation and finishing a three-year-old scarf is a great way to spend the night!! Jazmine, I’m serious. :)”

2. He plans ahead.
“So if we eat a large breakfast at 10 and a sizable lunch at 12 and I bring some granola bars in the car, you promise you won’t pretend to eat my boss’ arm again? That cost me my biggest account. Stop smirking… wait, are you drooling? Jazmine, I’m serious.”

3. He watches A Serious Man with you.
“Just wait like 30 minutes and it turns into a really good movie. Just wait. Jazmine, I’m serious!”

4. He introduces you to his loved ones.
“Now, we’ve gone over this, but you cannot try to pull my father’s toupee off of his head and use it as a napkin again. Jazmine, I’m serious.”

5. He helps you around the house.
“I don’t think you’re supposed to hold knives that way!! Jazmine, I’m serious!!!!!!!”

6. He wants to get to know you.
“Why do you have a tattoo of my face on your butt?? We’ve been dating for two months. Answer me! Jazmine, I’m serious!”

7. He tells you he’s being serious.
“Jazmine — hey, hey, I’m sorry for criticizing Masterchef Junior. You are 100% correct that it is a “charming and masterful show where not a single thing is faked” now will you please remove these handcuffs and stop lighting all my possessions on fire??? What??? No, I’m not saying that nons — — OK, OK. Yes, Masterchef Junior IS better than The Wire!!!!!!!! Now can you please put my signed copy of The Social Network back in its glass case before you singe the exterior?!?!??? Jazmine, please!!! I’m serious!!!!!!!!!!”