Recent Interactions With New Yorkers, Ranked

1. At the bookstore last night a man asked an employee if they had something, I missed what the item actually was, but it was something rare, one-of-a-kind. The employee shook his head and said, “I’m so sorry, someone just came in and bought it as a gift for her husband.” And the man looked at him for a second before responding, slowly, “Wait…what did she look like?” The employee blushed, realizing what he had done, and tried backtracking, saying that maybe he was mistaken, maybe it wasn’t really a gift for a husband, and we all laughed, and another customer said “Just try to act surprised,” and we all laughed again.

2. On the subway I was playing with my new ring and thinking about whether or not I even want to keep wearing it, I’m not really a ring person, but it looked so good with my manicure and it felt so nice to have something to fidget with. I was thinking about how I liked rotating it around and around, particularly as I listened to music and avoided eye contact with the other subway riders, when I realized we had reached my stop. I bolted out of my seat and reached for the handle too quickly and the ring flew off and went flying through the train. I don’t even remember how I got to the ring so fast, my totally instinctual lizard brain took over, but I caught it on the first bounce and had it back on my finger before I could even exhale. I made eye contact with a girl who had been sitting right in front of the whole thing and we both laughed, clearly relieved.

3. You know those Hassidic guys who hang out in Williamsburg asking passing pedestrians if they’re Jewish? They always, always ignore me, probably because of the bleached blonde hair, and I’m always like guys, don’t let the hair fool you, I’m clearly Jewish. But last night they stopped me to ask if I was Jewish! A victory, I thought, even though I still pretended I didn’t hear them and kept walking.

4. I had a few drinks and went to a fancy magazine store the other night — always a terrible idea — but was remarkably restrained, only buying a few zines I genuinely wanted to read. The cashier approved of my choices. “It’s nice to see a pretty girl who wants to read something more substantial than fashion magazines,” he said, clearly thinking he was complimenting me, and I was like, hey, I’ve worked for a fashion magazine, your anti-fashion magazine agenda is not going to win me over, but secretly I was a little flattered.

5. I woke up way, way too early the other day and couldn’t fall back asleep, so I verrrryyyy quieeettllyyyyy dressed and came into the office, trying as hard as possible to not wake up my (very generous) (and very beautiful) host. I wrote her a silly note explaining where I was and left a silly little joke in there and laughed — very quietly — picturing her waking up in a few hours and reading it. Later, when she sent me a Gchat saying she had found the note, her response made me laugh out loud in an otherwise silent room. All in all, a good trip.