Classic Poems, Updated For the Internet Age

By Jazmine Hughes December 3, 2014

There is a place where the wi-fi ends
And before the tweets begin,
And there the grass grows soft and without filter,
and there the sun is viewed straight and not off-kilter,
and there the moon-bird flies around bewildered,
No faves, to his chagrin.

Listen to the unfollows, child, listen to the don’ts
Listen to the “I’m leaving,” the “fuck you”s, the won’ts
Listen to the haters, child, then listen close to me.
Anything is #content, child, anything can be.

i carry your dick pic with me (i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
my phone goes it goes,my dear;and whatever is screenshotted
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no bulge(for you are the only bulge,my sweet)i want
no porn (for sexy you are my porn,my hub)
and it’s you are whatever a sext has always meant
and whatever a secret iPhone app will always hide is you

I wandered lonely as a cloud
that floats on high o’er vales and scriptures
When all I at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden, little pictures
Beside the lightning symbol, above the rainbow
A trail of weather emojis, dancing in the snow.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not SoulCycle to both,
And be one badass, long as I could
And dripped down with sweat as far as I could
To where my Lycra bent in my stomach overgrowth;
I took another, as just as fair
Instead of cycling, I mastered the stairs
And having perhaps, the easier routine
Because I could occasionally stop and get my air.
Though the weight I had lost with care
Had really been about the same
And both were expensive, equally bad
In my checking account both could not exist.
Oh, I kept both for one day,
But knowing how overcharges are more than my pay,
Mom and dad would be really pissed.
I shall be telling this with a blog
Or tweet, but what is the difference?
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the two that made me cry
But now I’ve signed up for Planet Fitness.