Mysteries of the English Language
Why do “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How is “Dick” a nickname for “Richard”?
Why are “through” “enough” “cough” and “bough” all pronounced differently?
Why did Richard say he would be with me “forever” when what he clearly meant was “until someone younger and hotter comes around?”
Why isn’t “phonetic” spelled the way it sounds?
Why isn’t the plural of “moose” not “meese”?
Why did making “bad” decisions with Richard feel so “good”?
How come abbreviation is such a long word?
Why is “love” spelled backwards “evol?” Did Richard know about that when he told me he loved me?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why is Richard unable to explain why he is a lying, cheating dirtbag when he at least owes me that much?
Why isn’t “lying, cheating dirtbag” pronounced “Richard?”
How can something be either “cold as heck” or “hot as heck”? What is “heck,” anyway?
Why is “love” a “lie”?
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
Why is the only sound that comes out of my mouth when I try to speak a low guttural moan, mixed in with a sob?
Why doesn’t a word exist for this crushing loneliness that I feel?
Why does a ship carry cargo, and a car carry shipments?
Why do my friends keep giving each other meaningful, uncomfortable glances whenever I try to explain to them that I’m “fine, no really, I’m great, I moved on, but do you think maybe I should just text Richard, just one last time, for closure?”
Why is Richard updating his Facebook to say “In a Relationship” when he was never willing to do that when we were together because, and I quote, “I don’t see why the world needs to know our business, babe”?
Why does “M3tsfan22” no longer work as a password for for Richard’s Facebook account?
Why do we call them “cookies” and not “bakies”?