A Series of Sexts

By Anna Fitzpatrick November 10, 2014

Hey
Hey babe
So booooored.
You know what would cheer me up?
Tell me.
Some pics of your duck.
Like, quack quack?
Hah.
Stupid autocorrect.
U know what I mean 😉
I do.
And I wanna come right over there.
And rip your panini off with my teeth.
…
Oh.
Panini.
Panini.
Panties.
Lol.
Actually a panini sounds good right now. There is this new cafe down the street that makes these really good ones with all fresh ingredients and like, this handmade pesto?
Babe, focus.
Oh right haha.
Well what will you do to me once you rip off my panini?
Panties?
Panini?
I’ll get you down on your knees.
Grab your hair in my fists.
Oh yeah.
And have you sack my cook.
Oh god, my Connie Britton is dripping wet.
Yeah you like it rough, you dirty bridge.
I am the dirtiest bridge.
I want you to flip me over.
And slap my Aslan.
Like
The lion from Narnia?
Autocorrect.
You duckhead.
That’s messed up, babe.
I think he’s supposed to be, like, a Jesus figure.
And a lion.
You’re killing the mood.
I just wanna make you comb.
Comb all over my tires.
Ok.
Oh yeah.
Oh duck.
I’m combing, baby.
I’M COMBING.
I’M GONNA COMB ALL OVER YOUR TIRES, KAREN.
…
who
in the everloving duck
is Karen
Oh man, baby
Autocorrect strikes again!!
haha
Karen like that bridge from your office?
No!
I meant to write
like
Karate
I was combing so intensely I wanted to do karate
You know
Karen chop the air.
go duck yourself you turducken monkey butler Faberge egg cellist.
come on
you know you’re the only one i love, Karate
i mean Karen
i mean Jennifer
i mean
…
karate