New Game Alert! Depression or Unemployment?

Having recently found myself involuntarily jobless, I had a lot of time on my hands. And I discovered that I was filling that time in new and unusual ways that made me ask questions like, “hey, is this something a depressed person does? Or is this just unemployment?” So I created a game, because obviously. For fun, divide these behaviors into two categories, depression or unemployment — or just go lay facedown on the floor. You don’t owe anyone anything! No one is paying for your time!

Quitting in the middle of a shower.

Having the Papa John’s order page open and filled out before 11 am.

Only ever wanting to wear what you were wearing the day before, because this is the laziest possible form of time travel.

Developing a complete and total dependance your phone’s Tarot card app to make any and all decisions.

Rejoining OKCupid.

Scheduling your gym time around the Kathy Lee and Hoda hour.

Crying in public because your horoscope email won’t open and now how are you supposed to know what to do?

Buying all the foods you’ve always meant to learn to cook but then deciding the kitchen is too hot and you can’t take the heat; ordering enough Chinese take out for the whole week on the way back from the grocery store.

Believing that bars are a good place for some midday freelance work.

Talking yourself into showering before remembering that leg-shaving is a thing, then laying back down on the couch.

Watching all of NBC’s Undateable.

Telling your similarly unemployed friend that you both have to stop trying to predict the future, then immediately taking her to a psychic.