Drake and Nicki Minaj Conversation

Nicki: Hey Drizzy, I have a favor to ask…

Drake: Threesome with you and RiRi?

Nicki: Oh Drake! LOL. Ok, so my butt cheeks are making this new video, and I wanted to see if you could guest rap a verse?

Drake: Oh wow. To be honest, I feel like I already covered starting from the bottom and now I’ve kind of moved past that, you know?

Nicki: I mean, they’re two different kinds of bottoms…my new song features a lot of play on words. Like did you know an anaconda is actually a type of penis metaphor invented in the nineties by Sir Ben Kingsley, Sir Paul McCartney, and Sir Mix-A-Lot?

Drake: Yeah, of course I knew that. But look, I’m really busy this summer. I have that tour with Lil Wayne and everyone knows we’re like the Affleck and Damon of our time. I really don’t have time to come up with lyrics about how your butt makes me feel.

Nicki: What if you just phoned it in like Jay Z in “Drunk in Love”??

Drake: I’m too much of an artist! I’m getting an idea though…what if you gave me a twerk heavy lap dance —

Nicki: Sure!

Drake: — in the video? I need my Robin Thicke moment.

Nicki: Ohhh! That sounds sexy! I could wear a bra and some booty revealing leggings from the sex shop?

Drake: Well if we’re going for sexy, I could wear some mesh basketball shorts and sneakers!

Nicki: Are you sure you don’t want to do anything more?

Drake: No, you’re right. We’re good friends. I want to help you out. How about instead of rapping, I’ll sit in a chair wearing gym clothes while making my “I have a boner!” face?

Nicki: These are great ideas. Any others?

Drake: What if you ate a ton of bananas in this video?? Everyone knows bananas are the sexiest potassium-rich food there is.

Michelle Markowitz will stop writing about Drake one day.

[Photo via YouTube]