David Sedaris and His Fitbit

I thought of the first time I had a kidney stone. That was in New York, in 1991, back when I had no money or health insurance. All I knew was that I was hurting, and couldn’t afford to do anything about it. The night was spent moaning. Then I peed blood, followed by what looked like a piece of gravel from an aquarium. That’s when I put it all together.

What might I have thought if, after seven hours of unrelenting agony, a creature the size of a full-grown cougar emerged, inch by inch, from the hole at the end of my penis and started hassling me for food?

Happy Monday morning! Sorry about the World Cup last night, but there’s good news. David Sedaris bought and became addicted to a Fitbit, and wrote about all the weird things he saw during his (on average) twenty-five thousand steps per day. [New Yorker]