Gmail Chains

by Blythe Roberson

Talia: Hey guys! Looked out the window and noticed there’s a baby hanging off a branch in the big oak tree. Can someone take care of this? Thanks!

Sean: fyi i can’t do this but best of luck.

Will: I have to do this weird bowling thing but it should be done by 11.

Talia: Hmm OK. Baby looks pretty upset…

Will: ohhhh ok. But anyway I should be able to come by 11!

Rose: Hey! So my sister is visiting with my little nephew so I’m already dealing with a baby, so if someone else could deal with this I would prefer not to. But if not, I can maybe try to make it work. Sent from my iPhone

Matt: Hey guys, for all intensive purposes, I am no longer a member of this friend group. Please remove me from this list.

Talia: …*Intents and purposes

Doug: I think I can do it.

Talia: GREAT!

Doug: Oh shit I just realized I have CPR training and meetings literally all day :/. But I could try getting the baby out of the tree Monday afternoon

Talia: Should we just call the police? A bird is like attacking this baby

Rose: I mean, can we NOT call the police AGAIN? The only reason I’m not running out to the tree is because my sister is over AND I have meetings all day. Sent from my iPhone

Simone: Hey guys! Was away from my computer, just saw this. I’m feeling under the weather so I can’t climb or carry anything but I can come for moral support at 10pm. xoxo

Talia: OK guys whatever, I guess everyone is too busy. I’m calling the police.

Talia: Never mind the baby fell.

Previously: Nancy Drew Books You Haven’t Read Yet

Photo via ironrodart/flickr.

Blythe Roberson is a writer and improviser living in Chicago. Her twitter handle / how she explains her name to people is @blythelikehappy.