Amer-Wreckin’ Pie: US History in Roller Derby Names
by Nicole Matos
All registered names are real and pulled from the International RollerGirl’s Master Roster site.
Abe Drinkin
Al Strapone
Affirmative Smacktion
Amber Waves of Pain
An Inconvenient Ruth
Annie Choakley
Arnold Swartz-a-skater
Barbara Butch
Barbrawl Walters
Bein’ A Dick Arnold
Benjamin Spanklin
Betsy Toss
Betty Floored
Bitch Cassidy
Bleed the Fifth
Bollock Obama
Booker Tease
Bondage N. Clyde
Bruisin’ B. Anthony
Buzzkill Aldrin
Carmen Miranda Rights
Condoleeza Slice
Cuban Menstrual Crisis
Daniel Boom
Derby Crockett
Dubya T. Eff
Ejectoral College
Elvis Refley
Fort Knocks
Gaseous Clay
General Grant Slam
General Lee Sweaty
Geneva Contention
Georgia W Tush
Global Warning
Grassy Noll
Groucho skidMarx
Habeas Kickass
Half-Nelson Rockefeller
Hangin’ Chad
Harriet Beat’cher Ho
Harriet Thugman
Heleanor Throosevelt
Hellion Keller
Henrietta Kissingher
Hurricane Skatrina
Ira Gash
Jackie Own Asses
Janet Meano
John F. Penalty
Justice Feelgood Marshall
Killary Klinton
Laura Biting Citizen
Liberty Belle
Lee Derby Oswald
Lehman Smothers
Margaret Thrasher
Manticore Lewinsky
Mace Em Dixon
Madeline AllFight
Malcolm Sex
Maul of America
Mike Huckabitch
Miranda Wrights
Michelle O’ Bomb Ya
Mount Crushmore
Nancy Raygun
Pocahaulass
President Evil
Pentagoon
Points DeLeon
Polly Tickle
Potomac Ripper
Punk Sue Tawney
Sandra Day O’Clobber
Sarah Painlyn
Scar Spangled Banner
Semper Fiasco
Shankee Doodle
Smackajawea
Rehabigail Adams
Richard Vixen
Rock the Vogt
Rockets Redglare
Rogue V Wade
Rosie the Pivoter
Ruth Hater Ginsberg
Ralph Weirdo Emerson
Richard Vixen
Rip Van Whistle
Rutherford B. Crazed
Sox Populi
Spars and Strikes
Susan B. Amputee
Teddy Bruisevelt
The Randi Canyon
The Secret Cervix
Tip-Her Gore
Val Capone
Photo via larry1732/flickr.
Nicole Matos is a Chicago-based writer, professor, and roller derby girl. Her work has appeared in such publications as Salon, The Classical, The Rumpus, theNewerYork, The Atticus Review, THE2NDHAND txt, berfrois, Aperion Review, Chicago Literati, neutrons protons, Vine Leaves, Requited, Burningword, Monkeybicycle, Oblong, and others.