What Tinder Messages Mean

Them: Hey! [Just sat down on the toilet!!]

You: Hi 🙂 [I’m kinda bored at work!!]

Them: Cute pics lol [Care to bone?]

You: [No thanks!]

— —

Them: Wow we both like Seamless/Obama/Chipotle! [Why is it so difficult to connect with another human being?]

You: HAHA/Amazing/LOL! [I know, it’s like, we’re all so in touch all the time and yet more alone than ever, right?]

— —

Them: How’s your day going? [don’t mind me, just laying some groundwork…]

You: Busy, but productive! [I have like nine gchat conversations open right now]

Them: Nice! So…would you say you’re…open-minded? 😉 [Would it be cool if I potentially do weird sex things to you?]

You: [Soft pass!]