America Will Wear White Pants

Team USA’s Opening Ceremony uniforms, designed once again by Ralph Lauren, were unveiled on Today this morning, and they’re… well, OK, they’re like if your grandma’s sweater chest inhaled an American flag and cross country ski boots from the ’80s and washed it all down with a plastic handle of vodka and then threw up into the mold of U.S. hockey player Julie Chu. (And the sweater is just $598.) I propose the following palate cleanser: go watch Jason Brown’s routine from the U.S. Figure Skating Championships a couple of weeks ago. Do it, like, five times in a row. It won’t get old. [Today]