Ask Baba Yaga: There’s Got to Be a Way to Exist Without Constantly Inflating and Deflating My Ego

Transcript after the jump.

Dear Baba Yaga,

The first reaction I have when I meet men is to think they find me attractive. Shame inevitably follows as I feel unwise to have such an ego. I have trouble doing anything fluently when I think people are looking at me, even though they are probably not looking. Even when no one is around I’m plagued by thoughts of myself and delusions of how I must appear to others — somehow special in a good way, then in a bad way, and down the rabbit hole and back. There’s got to be a way to just exist without constant overinflation and underinflation of my ego. Do you know how I can kill my ego?

BABA YAGA: This rabbit can’t; be killed, it lives in yr tunnels always. But the next times it does its running: you can (laugh heartfully at its smoldering tired feets and look away , go & study the Other things in yr tunnels & make them a sight to see. For the rabbit is only one of many creatures running through you, & the Others move more slowly and gracefully in their limbs.

Previously: “I Seek Comfort From Others Because I Am Uncomfortable With Myself”

Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet, writer, and Michener Center for Writers fellow. She’s taking questions on behalf of Baba Yaga at [email protected].