The Guns N’ Roses Guide to Scorpio Season

by Gala Mukomolova

Axl rose bedside, blue the screen and blue the mood, rattle pills and stubbed out cigarette. Break.
Axl rose winding his hips, three snakes in line and light is autumnal. No. Axl rose, red band jacket
with coattails, sad piano and swaying back-up crooners. Tossing in bed, bleeding Jesus, long flute. 1

1Fall is depressing and hard, even if the air smells amazing; Axl Rose understands.
2Oct 21 6:28 AM Mercury Retrograde
Famous for fucking everything up. Do not leave any plans to the last minute. The universe is NOT with you.
3 Oct 23 2:10 AM Sun enters Scorpio
Scorpio time is intense. Everything is on the spectrum of life and death. Sex is just a medium for the divine. Welcome to the sacral energy of ceremonial magic. Scorpios are not horny, they are fucking your soul.

Cut the deck and cut again. Scorpio pulls the death card into every celtic cross. Scorpio knows death is not death singular. Restock your cupboards, pause your plans, mercury in retrograde and here comes the sun — brink of disaster.2

Stephanie Seymour brides the aisle, a dress with breathing room. The pope drops his hand, it’s the holy ghost rainbow room banner. Slash smokes, Stephanie Seymour in a cloud of smoke, Seymour holds Rose, and that’s rock tenderness. If you want to love me, darling, don’t refrain — the ring’s right there.3

4Oct 28 7:00 AM Pluto Sextile Chiron
Chiron, the centaur planet, is an astrologic force of healing and transformation (also Scorpio territory). It uses wounds as entry points of awareness. Now it’s in Pluto’s pull and Pluto does not mess. I mean it does mess, terribly. But only to make you better. Get ready and dress your wounds.
5Everything is in a state of surrender. Your soul is as vulnerable as Slash’s crotch. Get a guitar. Or touch your clitoris. Glittoris.
6Nov 3 7:50 AM New Moon (Annular Total Solar Eclipse)
Nov 5 3:43 AM Venus enters Capricorn
New Moon means new intentions, new beginnings. Time to get that coven gathering, my witches. And Capricorn endures and persists. When Venus parks her pick-up in Capricorn, she better be ready for soft fur, hard hooves, and dangerous horns.
7 Nov 7 12:03 AM Jupiter Retrograde
When Jupiter moves backwards, question your integrity, your honesty, your luck. What isn’t set right will float to the surface. Jupiter in retrograde restores that which is worth working for and saving: relationships, life paths, the respect of your mother.
8Nov 10 4:12 PM Mercury Direct
Nov 17 10:16 AM Full Moon
Nov 19 8:06 AM Chiron Direct
Look! Everything is set to right. Mercury puts his wings on one at a time, the centaur charges toward enlightenment and behold (!) the moon is full in the sky. Scorpio majesty.
9Stephanie Seymour did not die, she broke up with Axl Rose who later charged her with emotional abuse and physical abuse. Seymour charged him with the same. They settled out of court. Seymour married a billionaire, happily I hope. Axl had his past-life regression therapy. Then he toured with a guy wearing a KFC bucket on his head. Every end can usher in a new beginning.

Watch that centaur dancing on the coldest planet anyone can imagine. This is August leaving. Chiron healing, crisis magic. Chiron compulsion and Chiron consciousness. Brew roots to boil and steep. Drink deep. Dark into light into dark into light: skeleton-polish each secret. Do you want warm flesh, the gentle regenerator?4

Slash the aisle and Slash outside. Slash shirt unbuttoned and tied at the tails. Slash no eyes Slash guitar solo Slash don’t you think you need some time on your own? One tiny chapel in the desert can’t hold this greatness or this grief. Slash open like leather chaps. One dead tree and tiered white cake, Seymour and Rose, hair long as the day.5

Total solar eclipse of the heart. The wrong song at the right time. Howl a little and make a toast. Break the glass, Mazel Tov. Bless your heart in the goat’s mouth. Righteous bleat and hungry hoof. Once the earth was summer hot, now clumps damp and decay.6

Children, dogs, and arthritics call the rain. Broken Cake and river wine. Jupiter laughs backwards, gets drunk. One elaborate casket and Axl bow-tied. Orchestra orchestra: Everybody needs somebody. Everybody needs someone.7

White bouquet tossed back, blood red mercury bloom. Leather strap and reign tight horse rear, pull that centaur near.8

Full moon and hot pink cross. Nothing’s lost.9

Gala Mukomolova is the descendent of a Black Sea witch. She can cure your melancholy with more melancholy. Gala learned the art of a good show from the barkers of Coney Island where she’s marshaled the mermaid parade. As an MFA graduate fellow at the Hellen Zell Writers’ Program, she spends her time in a small but powerful coven of badass lady poets.