Lines From a Kindle Serial to Titillate and Tantalize!!!

One-line excerpts from The Hairpin’s eight-episode travel-themed e-book ($1.99!), in no particular order. (The next episode, by the way, comes out this Tuesday, September 10. The Amazon-provided synopsis: “On a trip to Mexico, Jenna Wortham and her then-boyfriend spend a week pinballing between moments of beauty and disaster, following homemade maps, and discovering a latent lactose intolerance, in search of a fresh start.” Ah, yesss.) Okay, the lines:

1. “The breast dexterity was astonishing.”

2. “Maybe if Moxie was called ‘Wuss Juice’ I wouldn’t like it so much.”

3. “Another time, during a weekend trip to Vegas, I took too much ecstasy and got lost on a casino floor, mesmerized by the swirling floral patterns behind the blackjack tables.”

4. “Boris Johnson is the mayor now.”

5. “But so rich and full was my consciousness, the beingness of it, that I remember that night as full of delight, as well as darkness, and rain.”

6. “I hadn’t realized that’s what sunglasses were even partially for.”

7. “On the day of Thanksgiving, though, when all my friends were uploading pictures of their extended families and tablescapes, I felt so desperately lonely that I downloaded every single Thanksgiving-themed episode of Friends in hopes of finding some comfort in the sitcom familiarity.”

8. “My status in the house was something like a taller fifth son who wasn’t the brightest and who snuck into the bathroom really early every morning to take a shower.”

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Tempted? Sick of hearing about this e-book?? A little of one, most of the other??? Neither? In any case: a Google Image search for old ‘Weird Tales’ covers.