Three Years of Gchats Trying to Convince My Best Friend to Like Drake
JUNE 6, 2010
me: well considering the fact that i only listened to drake yesterday, i’d say that’s a bad idea
Olivia: hahahah
Olivia: nah
JUNE 9, 2010
me: i feel you girl
yo so drake has a song on his new album called fancy
and it’s all about how he only likes girls that are smart as well as beautiful
my heart is aflutter
Olivia: jesus
sometimes your crushes elude me
JUNE 10, 2010
me: I HAVE TO SEND YOU THIS DRAKE SONG
i want you to like it
just like it
Olivia: hahah oh man ok
JUNE 10, 2010, LATER THAT DAY
me: yo i should send you the wayne/drake song
he says some fucked up shit
Olivia: hahahha
me: i’m gonna send it
Olivia: thanx
Olivia: haha this is weird
IN AN EMAIL, JUNE 13, 2010
To Olivia:
read it and realize how wrong you are you wrong piece of poopy with a dumb face:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/13/arts/music/13drake.html?scp=2&sq=drake&st=cse
[No response.]
IN AN EMAIL, JUNE 15, 2010
To Olivia:
8.4 FOR DRAKE RECORD. love this so much.
[No response.]
SEPTEMBER 9, 2010
me: i’m listening to nick drake
does that make me a pussy
Olivia: nope. love nick drake
OCTOBER 11, 2010
me: okay
you need to download
“up all night” by drake
i’m serious
Olivia: k
me: that’s with the good nicki verse
Olivia: i wish his voice didn’t annoy me
OCTOBER 15, 2010
me: i had a sex dream about drake
Olivia: hahah gross
IN AN EMAIL, NOVEMBER 26, 2011
To Olivia:
the new drake album is good, not that you would ever care about that. how was hawaii?
To me:
[Redacted long discussion about Hawaii]
drake sucks
bye
DECEMBER 14, 2011
me: do you like this: “drinks on the house like snoopy”
Olivia: wut that mean
i like it though
me: you know how snoopy sits on a house
Olivia: ooohhh
dope.
me: isn’t that funny
Olivia: yeah pretty good
did you think that up just for gchat
me: hahahhahahaha
no, drake thought it up just for gchat
BOOM
[No response.]
APRIL 12, 2012
[Emailed link to “HYFR” video.]
Olivia: this makes me like him so so much more
me: !!!! yAYYEYESYSHSHS
that’s all i wanted in life
was for you to like drake just a little more
Olivia: hahaha you fucking would like that guy in the green shirt
me: hahahahahaa whatever, call me predictable
he’s a total weirdo
and how about cute little baby drake in the beginning
Olivia: that was dope
APRIL 13, 2012
Olivia: hahahaha what
only my dad is kind of sort of jewish
but not really
me: whatever
can’t be as jewish as drake
re-bar mitzvahed
Olivia: it’s true
me: get this
a flying cockroach
just flew right into my computer
DECEMBER 7, 2012
me: do you think drake is freaky in bed
Olivia: haha he strikes me as sort of boring in bed actually
DECEMBER 26, 2012
me: why don’t guys like drake then
too threatening
Olivia: dunno, i think they like drake?
me: nah
resentful
Olivia: hm
well
i don’t like rihanna
is that the same?
me: i feel like maybe
FEBRUARY 6, 2013
Olivia: also just been listening to drake “shut it down “ all day
why must i punish my vagina with this muisc
me: omg that song.
Olivia: yeah
me: i won’t listen.
Olivia: i just want to bang immediately
me: mad men is bad enough
FEBRUARY 7, 2013
me: haha
glad you’ve come around to the church of drake
welcome, sister
Olivia: hahah
yeah i just had take care on in the background last night
and i got real into it
me: yeah he’s a winner
but gets my loins grooving
Olivia: hahaha
i think it’s dangerous to listen to this much r&b and stuff though
i just feel like i want to hit the clubs at all times
and wear gold sequin dresses and stuff
and develop a coke habit
me: hahahaha
or a champagne habit
and stay up all night
sort of thing
Olivia: yeah totally
i’m just like FUCK what i am DOING reading books??
FEBRUARY 11, 2013
me: i feel SO much in my loins
when i look at pictures of drake
[No response.]
MARCH 11, 2013
me: the weeknd and drake are beefing right now
give me so much lol
Olivia: haha what could they possibly have to fight about? both rich, both hip hop superstars, both well dressed
what is your problem. REALLY.
MAY 30, 2013
[A conversation about Charlie St. Cloud.]
Olivia: what would you do if your boyfriend was talking to his dead brother and
wouldn’t go on a trip with you because he had to play catch with him every day
me: i’d be like
PROBABLY KILL YOURSELF WE’RE THROUGH
unless that boyfriend was drake or zac efron
then i’d be like ‘i understand, sweetie’
AUGUST 6, 2013 [TODAY]
me: can you listen to music at ur new work
Olivia: yes
but brb i get sandwich. 10 min.
me: it’s 11:30 ?
Olivia: I’M HUNGRY OK
me: important:
listen to that
i died
feels like solange
drakelange
Olivia: back
lol
me: did u listen
Olivia: i did
i like it
beachy
if you live in a mansion on the beach
me: like this
Olivia: yup
[Half hour pause.]
Olivia: i’m not that good of a girl and i know it
Previously: Bottom Shelf Nail Polish Names
Dayna Evans is a writer and a musician. You can find her writing here, her music here, and her tweets at @hidayna.