“Alexander and the Total Fucking Bullshit Hungover Day”

He could tell it was going to be a total fucking bullshit hungover day.

He went to sleep after the party alone and woke up with a white smelly goo in his hair.

When he got out of bed, he slipped in his own vomit puddle and on his phone found photos of him passed-out and tea-bagged from the night before and a voicemail from his girlfriend telling him he’d been dumped.

And he realized he’d drunkenly gotten a tattoo of a guitar-pierced heart inscribed with the band-name “Nickelback.”

“Word to the wise: don’t get the pop-up edition.” -Oprah’s Book Club

“Dirty Library,” a blog created by Mary Dauterman and Peter Antoshky, is like if your childhood library was rewritten by a cynical, Internet-fluent stoner. A couple more favorites, after the jump, but go check them all out here:

The Big Friendly Giant is a love song that is tender and true. Broadway adaptation casting underway.

“A little rapey?” –Los Angeles Times

“Great beach read!” -Cindy Carslisle, Oprah’s Book Club Member

Where no razor goes, a secret garden grows.

“This book works as advertised! It scared my daughter off of puberty forever.” -Monica Simms, single mother.

[Dirty Library]