Fictional Businesses We’d Like to Open One Day, Part Deux

By The Hairpin April 11, 2013

by Domenique Elliott and John Osborne

1. Ditches and Hoes: Gardening program for retired gangsta rappers

2. Call of Doody: Diaper delivery for military families

3. Nad-itudes: Prosthetic testicles with style

4. The Chlorofylling Station: Drive thru plant food store

5. Sundae, Bloody Sundae: Ice cream parlor for Irish radicals

6. Ain’t No Tang: Space-themed hip-hop club

7. Canine to 5: Doggy day care for corporate pooches

8. Smell on Wheels: Mobile perfume company

9. Born to Foam: NJ coffee shop

10. Dr. Who-t: Veterinarian serving the owl community

11. (gender) Neutral MILF Hotel: LGBT-friendly cougar-fetish brothel for reclusive musical geniuses

12. Don’t Stop Bereaving: Journey cover band for funerals

13. Putin On The Ritz: High end fashion for Russian politicians

14. Grate Expectations: All-shredded cheese shop

Previously: Jurassic Pork

Domenique Elliott (big sis) is a copywriter in New York while John Osborne (little bro) mans the smoker at Detroit’s best BBQ joint. They share an abundance of genetic material including excessive height, curly hair and a deep, abiding love of word play.