Alone in Venice For: 45 Minutes

by A Bowl of Hummus

What sort of snacks do they have?

Snacks so far have been entire meals. So a pizza with four friends is a snack, four plates of pasta is a snack (for four), comically large bruschetta (by NYC standards) is a snack. An entire ball of mozzarella is a snack. I also have no self-control. Cocktails come with giant baskets of potato chips, or olives, or peanuts, or all three. I can’t stop eating.

Are the jeans really better in Italy?

I don’t know, I’ve been avoiding looking at attractive or well-dressed people, because of how I look and feel after how much I’ve consumed. But in a good way. Sort of.

What’s your favorite method of transportation?

Trains, in general, although it’s just boats within Venice, unless they’re hiding something from me, but those are obviously wonderful, too.

Do you speak italian?

Not at all. I am an idiot, grazi, il conto, prego, un Negroni?

What does the canal water taste like?

Risotto, sardines, and prosecco.

What’s your favorite thing you’ve done so far that you wouldn’t find in a guidebook?

Hmm, I think you’d probably find everything I’ve done in a guidebook, except for “sit in accidentally palatial [upgraded] suite, alone, and use the internet.”

Also, gondolas: sí o no?

No, but I haven’t tried one yet, and probably won’t. They’re expensive, and it seems like it’d maybe feel like you were trapped.

What is the most interesting clothing item you saw on a human?

HM. There were these two dudes walking through the streets with blank masks on — masks are a big tourist thing to buy here — and it was a little freaky / Scream-ish. Also there was a woman in electric-yellow suede booties, with a lot of plastic surgery.

What gelato flavors did you eat?

“Fruit of the forest” (berries, mostly), pistachio, chocolate, creme de caramel, and some melon (the best). There’s one called Ace, which is orange and carrot (mostly), and I want to try that.

How many Americans have you wanted to kill?

Two, myself and my friend who left yesterday. We were doing something obnoxious last night at a restaurant, I can’t remember. I think we were taking pictures of our food, speaking butchered Italian, and being morons.

Have you gotten lost yet?

I’ve been lost most of the time. It’s the main thing I think about when I leave the hotel. I briefly pretended like it was fun — when the guidebooks are like “enjoy getting lost on the adorably contorted back streets” — but actually I hate being lost, even momentarily. I just want to know where I am, and where I’m going, and what time I’ll get there, at all times. No, I don’t want to get lost, I want to know where I am. And I never do here. Which is my fault, but the streets are so tiny and tricky. I don’t know how anyone makes it back to their hotel even once.

Does Venice make you feel inspired or romantic or nostalgic or sad or sentimental or grumpy? (Or any other adjective.)

It feels touristy. And beautiful. And flouncy and lovely and old. It’s an odd place. Definitely a weird place to be alone. Most people are in a couple or family, it seems.

Is the light yellow? Or, a different color? Do you notice the light?

Hmm. Not really, but the water really is pale white-blue-green. Very, very pretty.

HOW IS THE FOOD?

It’s good! Most middle-of-the-road restaurants seem to serve roughly the same thing, although I haven’t been doing anything too fancy — Italian seafood, etc. I went to a grocery store today and bought some tomatoes, olives, and pesto, too. The cheese is great, the meat, the bread. Had some excellent squid ink pasta. Risotto. Gelato. Every dairy product I can find. Strawberries. Wine. Negronis. I’ve had a Negroni a day since I’ve been in Italy.

How is the COFFEE. What have you been eating for breakfast. Don’t say nuts.

The coffee is delicious. Lots of cappuccinos. I’ve been eating a lot for breakfast. Typically bread and butter, oranges, yogurt, and cheese. A variety of cheeses. Also strawberries and jam and tea. And pastries.

Will you buy anything? A mask? A piece of lace? A small glass animal of some sort?

Probably not, but there’s a lot of glasswork here — the island of Murano, 10 minutes by boat, is known for its glassblowing, and they sell a lot of glass spiders (among lots of glass everything-else). This is gorgeous but seems like the most perfectly hilarious/nonsensical thing to purchase. “Comically thin wisps of glass glued into a giant insect.” Perfect for the plane.

How’s it going with the Italian, or lack thereof?

Horribly.

Has editing the “Traveling Alone” series affected how you actually travel alone?

Nope! Still just drinking cheap wine by myself and writing postcards.

Oh! Stateside, we’ve been talking about street harassment a lot. Italy has quite a reputation for it. Have you gotten comments/whistled at? Have you felt harassed? Are people chivalrous? Do they call you “signora” or “signorina?”

Haha. Before I left, I prepared my “icy 20-yard stare,” but no one’s looked at me twice. Haha. BOO HOO. Cake, eat it too.

What’s better to do in a new city: go out and explore and see everything you can? Or stay put where you land for a while (in a palazzo, for instance) and luxuriate and pretend you live there?

Stay inside your hotel so you don’t get lost anywhere, and ask people you work with to send you questions about what it’s like to be there. But then again I’ve been here for three days. I guess go out and explore. But then you’ll get lost, and probably have to go to the bathroom right when you’re most lost, so no, definitely stay put. Drink wine and write postcards. It’ll be like you nevvvver left.

Don’t you find yourself wishing the waters would rise and drown everyone?

Mostly that they would drown me. The first night here it DID flood, actually, and everyone had to stand on the little platforms they put up. But then it went back. No, but I’m having a great time. : )