Remaining Kinds of Behavior That Could Become a Distraction to the BSA

“The Boy Scouts are ‘discussing potentially removing the national membership restriction regarding sexual orientation,’ according to Deron Smith, director of public relations for the Boy Scouts of America. The Scouts’ current policy denies membership to ‘individuals who are open or avowed homosexuals or who engage in behavior that would become a distraction to the mission of the BSA,’ the group’s website says.”
 — CNN Breaking News Update, 1/28/13

1. If one of the kids kept trying to get a game of three-card Monte going.

2. If one of the kids brought a really cool lizard to a troop meeting, and then dropped him, and then everyone almost missed the bus home while trying to stuff him back in his cardboard box with holes.

3. If one of the kids had just seen “Wet Hot American Summer” for the first time, and kept telling everyone when something they were doing fit a camp-movie cliché.

4. If one of the kids needed a wheelchair ramp installed to access an activity, but then they sprayed water on the ramp, let it freeze, and used it as a sledding hill for the lizard.

5. If two of the kids were actually conjoined twins, and those conjoined twins would NOT shut up about “Firefly.”

6. If one of the kids had literally zero interest in being a Boy Scout, but had one of those weird Chris-Cooper-in-American-Beauty dads, so he showed up to every meeting and rolled his eyes constantly and sighed super-audibly and drew pentagrams on his notebook.

7. If one of the kids was trans, and was also allergic to maple leaves but no one knew it and did not have an Epi-Pen.

8. If one of the kids kept making out with one of the other kids during a field-dressing lesson.

9. If one of the kids was actually Ra’s al Ghul.

10. If one of the kids had two moms, and those two moms came and started doing an unscheduled juggling demonstration while the troop leader was trying to teach them how to use a compass.