The Best Accidental Stories Told Through My Google Search History

by Arianna Rebolini

happiness (1/04, 3:35 a.m.)

flavor blasted goldfish + what flavors? (1/25, 10:45 p.m.)

team jacob + abs + “happy birthday” (2/09, 9:39 p.m.)

party planning as a job (2/12, 1:43 a.m.)

jokerman font (2/19, 8:13 p.m.)
beckett + genetic criticism (2/19, 8:13 p.m.)
samuel beckett + genetic criticism (2/19, 8:16 p.m.)
jokerman font + 32pt (2/19, 8:17 p.m.)

what are all the dimensions? (2/20, 1:46 a.m.)

jon hamm + esquire cover (3/04, 4:43 a.m.)

afrin addiction (3/24, 11:00 p.m.)
am i addicted to afrin (3/24, 11:00 p.m.)
weaning off of afrin (3/24, 11:03 p.m.)

jon hamm + high school + football (3/29, 3:45 a.m.)

galaxy body paint (3/30, 5:20 a.m.)
galaxy body suit (3/30, 5:20 a.m.)
how to paint galaxy on body (3/30, 5:27 a.m.)

justin bieber on segway (4/03, 10:16 p.m.)

sex in crazy places + lyrics (4/06, 5:26 a.m.)

psychology + people who cut off their limbs (4/10, 3:57 a.m.)

what season do niles and daphne get together? (4/12, 3:21 a.m.)

samuel beckett + bobblehead toy (4/19, 3:29 a.m.)

cannoli in portland (4/21, 11:29 p.m.)
late night + cannoli (4/21, 11:30 p.m.)
portland + italian pastries + late night (4/21, 11:30 p.m.)
italian pastries + thesis orals (4/21, 11:43 p.m.)

frasier + homophobic? (4/22, 7:43 p.m.)

leaked bieber boyfriend video (4/23, 9:11 p.m.)

jobs (5/02, 8:43 p.m.)
writing jobs (5/02, 8:45 p.m.)
how to be a writer (5/02, 8:46 p.m.)

justin bieber + boyfriend + premiere (5/03, 10:18 p.m.)

justin bieber + boyfriend video + hair (5/04, 8:49 p.m.)
justin bieber + hair + johnny bravo (5/04, 8:52 p.m.)
johnny bravo + streaming (5/04, 8:53 p.m.)

neverending olive garden breadsticks (5/04, 2:33 a.m.)

bad form to ask if an internship is paid? (5/09, 8:34 p.m.)

icona pop + i love it (5/11, 2:52 a.m.)
wild ones + video (5/11, 2:56 a.m.)
love in this club + video (5/11, 3:02 a.m.)

hangover + hands tingling? (5/11, 11:48 a.m.)

spanish conquistador weapons (5/29, 3:47 p.m.)

beyonce + halo (6/26, 11:36 p.m.)
beyonce + if i were a boy (6/26, 11:42 p.m.)
beyonce + if i were a boy + snl + video (6/26, 11:53 p.m.)
bon iver + i can’t make you love me (6/27, 12:12 a.m.)

doctor who + sad + rain + gif (6/29, 1:17 a.m.)

my bag was stolen (7/02, 2:16 a.m.)
report missing license (7/02, 2:20 a.m.)
portland police + file report (7/02, 2:20 a.m.)
detective munch (7/02, 2:32 a.m.)

dancing on my own + video (7/05, 8:43 p.m.)

tasteful sheer dress (7/06, 7:17 p.m.)

jon hamm + W magazine (7/10, 12:03 a.m.)

side effects of whippets (7/12, 12:51 a.m.)

cross-country road trip (7/26, 2:12 a.m.)
cross-country route + map (7/26, 2:12 a.m.)
what to do in new mexico? (7/26, 2:20 a.m.)

how to post thesis in resume (8/25, 10:50 a.m.)

racks on racks on racks (9/09, 2:02 p.m.)
rack city + rap genius (9/09, 2:02 p.m.)
what are racks (9/09, 2:04 p.m.)

death from appendicitis (9/15, 3:28 p.m.)

matt saracen + friday night lights (9/29, 7:58 p.m.)
matt saracen’s mom + friday night lights (9/29, 7:59 p.m.)

where to buy mace (10/02, 8:21 a.m.)

car towed + brooklyn (10/19, 1:39 a.m.)
brooklyn navy yard (10/19, 1:41 a.m.)

how to be in the FBI? (10/23, 1:51 a.m.)

park slope + bingo (11/14, 7:18 p.m.)

google search history (12/07, 12:42 a.m.)

Previously: Allowances.

Arianna Rebolini lives, writes, and serves people Thai food in Brooklyn.