Texticles
by Carrie Hill Wilner
I got a new phone after losing mine on New Year’s last year, and these are the last lines of every conversation I have saved in it.
1/12
Got my phonenumbeeeeer back!
What time you leaving? Quick drink before?
Great, thanks, it may be easier to just order some new pants though.
2/12
Totally
3/12
Sounds Great
Up to anything?
Awwwww. Leaving in 5
4/12
Ok. See you soon.
400 dollars
5/12
ok we’re home!
6/12
sounds good xoxox!
7/12
Xooooooo
Got it
Aw ok
8/12
It was nice to meet you, thanks.
I was at that last week hope work schedule lets me go again
Great
Def, have a good night
Great
Ok lady!
I’m heading home
Lovely!
If you can come to the meating tonight, great.
GreaT
Great!
I know it’s tough.
Somebody asked me if i knew how to breathe
back at you
9/12
feel better
30 days, that’s awesome!
hope I’ll see you around
call if you need to talk
Hey call anytime
this is sarah
this is tansy
annie, curly hair
hi it’s mel!
xo!
this is jean
Hi, it’s Carrie from the meeting
Nice to meet you to
yes it’s good to have balance
Hey Em thanks for checking in i appreciate it
10/12
great!
thanks for texting, hope to see you soon.
eh not so hot, sunday is on though
most of my friends are in greenpoint and sort-of-park-slope
hahahahaha!
Sooooo cute.
yeah we should do that some time, hope you had a nice day!
Rita Hazan salon offers appointment alerts
nope
couldn’t make today but hope to be back soon.
11/12
How are you doing? hurricaine survived?
hey!!! that’s amazing. conratulations xxxxxx
happy president forever officemates
linda ronstadt
think she is?
landscaping law
great!!!!
thank you!!!!
coming down
rest up! xo
will show her — she is coming tonight
Hi Carrie, your Uber is arriving now!
You too
U too
thank you hope all is well
Happy thanksgiving to you!
naps are up
awww, no playground then
too beat
ha! ok talk soon.
i did by accident, my phone dialed it while I was talking
up for squash?
12/1
Word.
Thanks 🙁
Great! Enjoy!
Oh my god so over it.
Hey stuck at work, hope you are good.
Take care, call or text when you want to figure out a time.
He made me drink green juice
stevie!
sounds good have fun tonight!
running a few late, 5:45
proud to have that effect!
yup — have a great holiday!
i am coming home if you have not done the candles yet
hey went home early
my cousin is here
nice, we’re having a gus van sant marathon.
such good service.
good luck!
great!!!
great
great!
cool, thanks for speaking!
after the holiday yeah.
hanging in there, thanks
note date/time stamps
shoulder curse!
Oy vey
I;d like that
likewise
wow. i suspect he had a google alert
sorry, meant to message yesterday
oof. hope you are well.
I am afraid of a lot of people tho.
this is 100% sweet
not bad actually
late meetingtonight
get some rest, sweet dreams
oh yes
thanks, i;ll take you up on that
all i do is wrangle christmas
oh no, no way
she’s not sleeping with bartenders anymore
terrible!
Back?
they’re all dickstupids in real life.
how’s the party?
you will have to have my fun for me
heh
xo
yes. worky work. work.
i remember filings
sounds tough. sweet dreams
stupid shoulder no fair random whine
not yet, unf, have fun
if you are lucky/unlucky, there won’t be a saturday to worry about.
glad things are ok with you guys
I think it’s good for me to make stuff.
Thank you
Not that that matters.
Previously: What Old Book Do I Read If … ?
***
Also, I wish I could tell you what old book to read, but the only thing I’ve read is a text message my friend got that said “you should come over suck my dick and then leave.” “And then leave.” I thought she should go. I mean, it’s not like anyone better is out there. Twenty-Twelve, the year that said “come over suck my dick and leave,” and we were like “sure.”
I wish I could tell you what old book to read, but I can’t read because I have a resistant staph infection colonizing my head. I got some fucked bug bite on my head this summer, and it got as big as a tennis ball, and I went to the doctor, and she gave me some crazy IV. Then I got a zit last week and it was getting weird, so I called her to see if I needed to keep an eye on it, and she was like, “oh yeah, sometimes when you get those resistant bugs they colonize you permanently.” Twenty-Twelve, the year that colonized our heads with germs that will outlive us. P.S. my hair fell out in that spot, wanna make out?
I wish I could tell you what old book to read, but I’m getting divorced so the only thing I read are Gchats I basically dictate to my friends and then fool myself into thinking they independently generated the sentiment where they tell me that everyone wants to date single moms with infected heads who work all the time and live with their parents. Twenty-Twelve, the year we all lived with our parents and forced our friends lie about our fuckabilitry.
I wish I could tell you what old book to read, but I started getting sober in August and that shit is taking up all my time.
Carrie Hill Wilner is in a cab, there in 10 xoxo