The Meatballs Do Help,Though

Television presenter blames Ikea for mediocre sex, has interesting ideas about the aesthetics of better sex:

“How could anyone enjoy having sex in an Ikea bedroom?,” he asks. “I find Ikea’s attitude deeply unsexy.

“For a start, it’s all flat-pack — it’s going to rattle. It’s just all about cleanness and drinking black tea and rubbing yourself in snow and hitting yourself with birchwood. That’s not what grown-up sex is like.

“Grown-up sex should be opera, it should be drama, it should be black velvet and silk, and it should be indulgent and opulent, regardless of how much it costs.”

Is that the kind of sex you want all the tiiiime, though? Don’t people sometimes just want to get ‘er done before “Homeland,” or whatever? Or giggle uncontrollably when sex occurs in proximity to black velvet or silk? Like, where is my Cornish game hen and flagon of mead?

Moreover, “grown-up” is not really the sexiest modifier for “The Kind of Sex You Are Having.”