They Had a Tablescape Competition at the Fair
“Fahrenheit 451 Lunch” by Suzanne Goyette
Score: 94.
“A sizzling presentation… coffee spoon on saucer is appreciated.”
***
If you’re not familiar with the art of tablescaping, then you’re not familiar with our future First Lady of The New World Order, Sandra Lee. She hosts the best television show — no, seriously, I will fight anyone on this fact — Semi-Homemade Cooking With Sandra Lee, and dates New York governor, Andrew Cuomo. She made this insane cake once, her eyelids go half-mast every time she sips one of her signature cocktails (usually made with five parts Hpnotiq or vanilla “vaka”, two parts something else), and she closes each episode with a “tablescape.” It is not a real word! It’s not even a proper portmanteau, if you ask me. Table and landscape? That would involve foliage and a water feature; hers are themed, but typically made up of a table cloth, napkin rings, chargers, place cards and their holders, flowers, and a giant centerpiece or five. All just table stuff, but so over-the-top and expensive that no one watching at home would ever make their own, or so I thought…
Utter disbelief was followed by an urgency to pee when I stumbled upon a tablescape competition at the Los Angeles County Fair yesterday. There were no tablescapers around — judging must’ve happened this past weekend when the fair opened — but everything was still on display along with scorecards. Here are my faves, with scores out of a possible 100 and select notes from the judges. It was hard to find the proper names for all of them, so a few titles in quotes are best guesses.
“My Fair Lady” by Brandi Thomas
Score: 80
“Dessert fork is too large and facing the wrong way.”
“20,000 Leagues Under the Sea” by Brittany Olivieri
Score: 85 [Ed. — Robbed!]
“Rope legs are a great touch… Tea spoon should be on saucer and the tablecloth should be rectangular, not oval.”
“Candy Land” by Cathy Goyette [Ed. — a second Goyette in the house!]
Score: 75
“Who could eat the meal with all of this candy present.”
“Game of Thrones” by Patty Cass
Score: 90
“Serve ware carries the theme well.”
“Motocross Race Viewing Party” by Christel Schoenfelder
Score: 90
“For symmetry, a knife or spoon on the right side would be appropriate.”
“Gone With The Wind” by Bonnie Overman
Score: 100
“Makes you want to read the book again.”
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And then, outside, the Axe Women Loggers of Maine were doing this.