How to Host a Dinner For “The” Strangers

…as opposed to strangers.

Whyyyy are you doing this? Okay. Uhhhh. Buy a house without windows, make sure there’s a really deep concrete foundation, and bolt the door. Buy a gun. Then make a bunch of aspics and undercooked chicken and have your hot boyfriend slowly open the front door while you cover him with the gun. Put the plate on the front step. If anyone approaches it, make sure they are not your good friend coming to save you, then shoot them in the chest. Shoot them again. Cut their head off and put it on a spike to warn the others. Then move to the city.

Oh, and maybe play that Madeline Peyroux album. It’s very soothing to the digestion.