Brief Interview With a Tiger

As part of our ongoing series of conversations with animals on policy and population control issues, we recently sat down with Bachuta, a Siberian tiger at the Bronx Zoo.

Us: Hey, Bachuta.

Bachuta: I…I don’t want to jump to conclusions here, but I’m worried that you’re not actually here to talk to me about policy and population control issues.

Us: Hm?

Bachuta: It’s because I ate that guy’s foot, right?

Us: I mean, we thought it might come up, but only, like, because maybe it’s related to zoo issues? Of…policy?

Bachuta: Yeah, see, I’m not comfortable with that. It’s exploitative.

Us: Oh! Okay. No, totally. Totally.

(long pause)

Us: SO, have you, um, seen the trailer for “Life of Pi”? How about that glowing whale, right? Wild!

Bachuta: (removes mic clip from ruff, walks away)

(Bachuta turns around)

Bachuta: I’m not signing a photo waiver. Take some tiger stock image off the internet, or something.

Us: (mutters)

Bachuta: Excuse me?

Us: I said, “what are you going to do, eat my foot?”

Bachuta: Are your parents proud of what you do?