The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

As many of you are doubtlessly aware, the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest seeks to honor the most intentionally turgid sentence of the year, in tribute to our hero’s greatest contribution to English letters: “It was a dark and stormy night…” The competition is fierce, the index cards heavy with purple prose, and the winners go forth secure in the knowledge that at least half-a-dozen literary geeks hold them in the very highest of esteem.

At any rate, the 2012 results are in! Take it away, Cathy Bryant of Manchester:

As he told her that he loved her she gazed into his eyes, wondering, as she noted the infestation of eyelash mites, the tiny deodicids burrowing into his follicles to eat the greasy sebum therein, each female laying up to 25 eggs in a single follicle, causing inflammation, whether the eyes are truly the windows of the soul; and, if so, his soul needed regrouting.

Beautiful. Now, what’s yours?