Outside’s Oral History of Burning Man

This one time, at Burning Man? They burned the big thing a week early. And Nic Cage was not inside it.

FLASH: Of course it’s a woman! Look at the hips! It freaks people out when I tell them that, because they’re so serious about it now. They’re on their journey to the sacred. But what does it matter? The Man is what you need him to be.

So, have you been to Burning Man, or did one of your friends go and come back…wrong? No, that’s mean. It’s probably great, if you are not the sort of person who looks at Woodstock footage and is all, oh, my God, there wasn’t even Purell yet.

Hey, what if they magically transported everyone at the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival to Burning Man, and vice versa? I guess people would be ill-equipped for the weather.