Excelsior!

Well, the Tour de France is over for another year, and a few questions remain:

1. Oh, my God, do any of them ever say “I am not cycling up another hill, I am pulling into a cafe and drinking a beer and then going home, masturbating repeatedly (if I still have any feeling in my genitals), and sleeping in”?

2. Is it, like, the same yellow jersey? Because it’s always called “the” yellow jersey, like you peel it off, wring it out, and hand it over to the next guy to have the best overall time to that point? And then there’s the green jersey.

3. Have you read this list of all the doping and poisoning incidents in the history of cycling?