10 Ways to Keep Cool This Summer

by Rose Surnow and Alison Leiby

1. Stuff your underwear with frozen spring rolls.

2. Hire a student intern to blow on you while you sleep.

3. Dress like Jasmine from Aladdin in billowy “harem casual.” Tiara optional (but srsly YOLO).

4. Take up nude figure skating.

5. Sleep in a meat locker.

6. Use an Oreo Blizzard instead of lube.

7. Date a British person.

8. Only have sex in a kiddie pool filled with gazpacho.

9. Get rid of all your body hair including butthole and eyebrows.

10. Take all your meetings in a remote cave.

Previously: The Most Important Things to Bring to Parent-Teacher Conferences Are Hoop Earrings.

Rose Surnow is a humor writer for VICE, Jezebel, The Hairpin, and others. Follow her @rosesurnow. Alison Leiby is a comedian, writer and co-founder of Heavy Browsing. Follow her @alisonleiby.

Photo by strelka, via Shutterstock